Look. It's Delicious. Do I Have To Explain It?

Ladies, gentlemen, small children, family pets, I am far, far too lazy to entertain you with artful wordplay. Picture a big ol' slab of rock. Now tell that rock to do a flip and entertain you. You will have just an ever so slightly smaller amount of luck with this young man this fine evening. However, I have pictures, the pansy-blogger's way out.

Here. Eat a couple jabuticaba. Chomp the seeds, but spit out the skins. It's like a grape from a parallel universe. I like that universe, it's juicy and delicious. 

Jabuticaba, Like a Messed Up Grape Full of Happiness

Git Some Drank

Well, hello there. You're all just as pretty as I remembered. Slow down, slow down, there are internet hugs for everyone. Yes, I missed you too.

Also, I'm sorry that I am the worst blogger the internet can offer you. At least I'm the most exciting and handsome.

Down to business.

I'm thirsty. You thirsty? Of course you are, let's get some drinks. Caldo de cana? Squeeze that cane!

It is in fact just about that yellow, and probably just as sweet as you would imagine pure sugar cane juice tasting. Interesting and delicious. All you have to do is stroll up to a stand, place your order, and watch as a cheerful Brazilian loads some big ol' sticks into what looks like (and may be) a 40's era piece of industrial machinery with giant whirring gears working steadily to crush the deliciousness out of said sticks into your little cup as you watch.

Very cool. 

But too sweet for you, you say? What a whiner. I suppose we can go for some água de coco, get some vitamins in ya. 

Let me just crack a hole in here...

There we go. I don't happen to have my machete, so I used the official tool there. I don't think it has a name. I've named it "Stabby".

Had a machete been present, and preferably a well-trained individual to wield it, we'd see something a little different. Generally, at the stands (which often offer caldo de cana too), they hack the top off your green coconut with a couple deft swipes and throw a straw in the top before handing the whole thing over as is. Afterwards, they chop it clean in half so you can scoop out the cool coco jelly for a nutritious and refreshing snack.

That said, I sincerely hope your thirst has been quenched. If not, you'll just have to wait, you picky pansies. I'll find something else (perhaps something scrumptious to munch) for our next little meeting.

Stay interesting and intelligent boys and girls.

-The real attractive guy with drinks